Ass-Kickery On Tap

 A little taste of the awesome due in theaters during the next 12 months.

Say Goodnight, Gonzo

Alberto Gonzalez preparing to testify, under oath, that his tie is blue
Anybody else feel like that party guest that just…wouldn’t…for Pete’s…sake…get…the…hell…OUT…finally left, and now you have one hell of a mess to clean up?  Whoever the next attorney general turns out to be, let’s make sure he doesn’t read 1984 as a how-to manual, shall we?

The Bush Administration: No Longer Even a Pretense of Giving a Damn

 Civilizer
In 1969, we landed a manned spacecraft on the moon.  The frigging moon.  That’s about a quarter million miles away from the Earth (238,700 to be exact).  We had to build a spaceship that could achieve the proper thrust to escape Earth’s gravitational pull, hold up sufficiently to protect the humans inside as it went through a number [...]

No One Knows For Sure If He’s Kidding: Quote of the Day

Stephen Feinberg, CEO of $26 billion private equity firm Cerberus Capital Management, on his company’s privacy philosophy:
“We try to hide religiously.  If anyone at Cerberus has his picture in the paper and a picture of his apartment, we will do more than fire that person.  We will kill him.  The jail sentence will be worth it.”

Chinese Toys: Deadly. Chinese Fortune Cookies? Still Dead-On, Jack.

My fortune cookie at dinner tonight said “Your greatest wish will come true.”  So if the Chinese are to be believed, Michael Vick will be shanked in prison, and in a location well out of reach of any medical personnel.
On a related note, I’m happy to report that said fortune cookie contained no detectable traces of [...]

John Carpenter’s Vampires: Like Citizen Kane, Except Much Better

Ever since the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame finally enshrined Black Sabbath in 2006, the Kennedy Center Honors have taken its place as America’s greatest artistic charade.  In 2006, the honorees were Zubin Mehta, Dolly Parton, Andrew Lloyd Webber, Steven Spielberg, and Smokey Robinson.  The Honors purport to recognize Honorees “for their lifetime contributions to American culture through [...]

Chávez Forever. God That’s Depressing.

 by Civilizer
This watery orb we humans inhabit is a funny place.  Natural wonder abounds.  Monuments to human ingenuity dot every continent, and are somehow all the more majestic the farther they descend into ruin.  There exists, among our own species, exemplars of great leadership, kindness, intellectual brilliance, and courage.  And sharing the orb with all [...]

Like an NPR Pledge Drive, but Without a Free Tote Bag

 
ANNOUNCEMENT!
Well it had to happen some time…I threw my hat in the ring of one of those social-networking blog sites.  Specifically, “Fuel My Blog.”  Do me a favor and take a second to click on that fiery link over on the right and register to vote for my blog.  I’m pretty sure I don’t win [...]

Karl Rove, You Will Be Missed. Don’t Let the Door Hit You in the Ass.

  by Civilizer
It takes a whole awful lot for me to get down on America.  I don’t have a “Love It or Leave It” bumper sticker or anything, but even when things are going badly and the country is guilty of serious failures of our national character, I don’t fall into that intellectually lazy “Blame America [...]

Somebody Get Woody Austin a Cool, Refreshing Mug of Shut Your 2nd Place Mouth

  by Sporting Civilizer
I really, really thought it was going to be difficult for anybody on the PGA Tour this year to best Sergio “El Whiño” Garcia as golf’s biggest jackhole.  So imagine my surprise when Garcia manages to get himself deek’d from this week’s PGA Championship and somehow gets out-cried by somebody else.
The PGA was [...]