Leave the Poor Guy Alone, Already

Not sure how this broke onto MSNBC, but there’s a big expedition set to commence in the Michigan woods in July aiming to capture conclusive proof of the existence of Bigfoot.  There’s going to be a bunch of people poking around in Marquette County, led by a guy named, seriously, Matthew Moneymaker.  Moneymaker runs an organization called the Bigfoot Field Researchers Organization, or BFRO (I like to think they refer to it verbally as “the bifro”); the BFRO is an organization apparently staffed by people with an awful lot of free time who embark on trips all throughout the United States and Canada looking for a Sasquatch.  From the looks of their website, they’ve actually got a pretty extensive database and classification system and at least make an effort to subject their best stuff to some sort of scientific inquiry.  That said, based on expedition notes posted on their site, they’re long on unsubstantiated “sightings” but short on actual “evidence.”  See if you can spot a bigfoot in any of these pictures (the one done in colored pencil doesn’t count).

I’m starting to feel pretty bad for any bigfoots that are loping around out there.  You would not believe how many amateur research organizations there are, lustily disgorging hundreds of people armed with digital cameras and very active imaginations into the woods to snap a picture of one of these things.  It must be getting to the point where the poor beasts can’t stop to take a crap behind a tree before they’re rudely interrupted by the sound of snapping twigs and popping flashbulbs and have to haul ass out of there to avoid another intrepid adventurer trying to make National Geographic Channel money.  These guys are like woodland paparazzi, full of piss and vinegar and trail mix.

Here’s my question:  are bigfoots bothering anybody?  Are they causing any issues, are they TP’ing anyone’s house in the dead of night and running off into the trees, hooting and jabbering, waking everybody up?  If they are, I haven’t heard of it.  They’re just keeping to themselves, working hard and paying their taxes like everybody else.  We’ve been trying to get an actual picture of one for about a hundred years now, and we’ve come up with precisely nothing.  They win.  So let’s leave them the hell alone, and move onto something else

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