What “Scandalous” Information Does Hillary Have on Obama?

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Only 6 weeks until the Democratic Iowa Caucus, so it’s about time for the leading candidates to pull on the clodhoppers and the slickers and start slinging some mud.  The heretofore-observed peace between Clinton, Obama, and Edwards may have actually ended with the South Carolina pretty boy’s snide “Is that question a plant?” quip at last week’s Democratic debate on CNN, but it’s starting to be actually newsworthy now that Obama is scolding Clinton for mud that she only allegedly has and, if she does truly have it, hasn’t yet thrown.  Obama, who has recently cut into Hillary’s Iowa lead and is in a dead heat with the New York senator in some polls, released a personally signed statement to the media yesterday in which he criticized Clinton’s hypothetical smear, which has not been made public or even verified to exist, as “slime politics.”  He called on Hillary to “renounce these tactics” that, near as I can tell, haven’t actually been used yet, but would apparently be quite damaging to Obama’s campaign, if they were ever revealed, which they have not been, and if they can be proven to be true, which they cannot be because no one knows what they are.  Obviously, this has all of Washington talking…what’s this dirt that Clinton has on the upstart from Illinois that has him so defensive?  Here are some of the rumors flying around the Beltway about the clean family man known for his soaring rhetoric:

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1.  Stubbed his toe once walking to a podium in Tennessee, swore quietly under his breath

2.  Real name not “Barack Hussein Obama,” actually “Pierce Wentworth Sterlington IV”

3.  Afraid their candidate comes across as aloof or “too perfect,” Obama’s staff had The Audacity of Hope “punched up” by actor/comedian Patton Oswalt before publication to include more relatable anecdotes about fast food restaurants and Star Wars

4.  Wears a Rob Zombie “Hellbilly Deluxe Tour ’98” t-shirt underneath his suit at all times

5.  The Clinton team has come into possession of an early Obama campaign poster, quickly scrapped, sporting the slogan “The Politics of Dope,” with the Illinois senator pictured wearing a sideways White Sox cap and flashing a gang sign

One Response

  1. She’s not going to release it because she’s above all the silly games like that. This just shows how much integrity Hillary has.

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